Teaching Library
Learning to Lament: Processing Suffering with God
In a broken world, suffering is inevitable. Whether from our own sin, following Jesus, or simply living in a fallen world, suffering gives us an opportunity to die to ourselves and trust God. Elizabeth Elliot defined suffering simply as "having what you don't want or wanting what you don't have."
What Makes Lament Different from Complaint
Movement Toward God
While complaint drives our eyes downward toward the problem and our hearts away from God, lament begins by turning to the only one who can intervene. It's an intentional address to God, shifting our focus from our problems to Him while still in pain.
Anchored in Trust
Lament doesn't stay in complaint but moves toward trust and praise. This trust can be expressed in who God is, what He's already done, or what He promises to do. The gift of lament is found in the movement of our eyes from suffering to our God.
God welcomes us to come to Him in humility, but bluntly. Instead of denying our feelings or relying on ourselves, we can process our suffering honestly before our loving Father.
The Four Elements of Biblical Lament
Turn
An intentional address to God, getting our focus off our problems and onto Him while in pain.
Complain
A humble but blunt identification of what's wrong. It's calling hard things hard things.
Ask
Petitioning God for help because of who you know Him to be, asking Him to act according to His character.
Trust
A choice to have confidence in who God is, what He's already done, or what He's promised to do.
These four elements separate lament from wallowing in ungrateful complaint and provide a framework for processing our suffering in a way that leads from complaint to trust and praise.
Psalm 13: A Model of Lament
In Psalm 13, David provides a clear example of lament that's universally applicable:
"How long, O Lord, will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?"
David begins by turning to God, expressing his complaint through four "how long" questions that reveal his spiritual, personal, and circumstantial suffering.
Though we don't know the exact context of David's feelings, this psalm is relatable to many situations. As Thomas Aquinas noted, it "may be offered by any righteousness man who is afflicted either by adversity or by the corruption of sin."
The Three Dimensions of Suffering
Spiritual Dimension
David's relationship with God feels broken: "Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?" He feels forgotten and abandoned by God.
Personal Dimension
David's internal emotional state: "How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day?" He describes anxiety, depression, and being left to his own inadequate resources.
Circumstantial Dimension
The external situation: "How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?" David faces opposition that seems to have the upper hand, creating ongoing distress.
In all three dimensions, things are not as they should be. David processes his suffering comprehensively, addressing his relationship with God, his emotional well-being, and his external circumstances.
From Complaint to Request
After his complaint, David moves to asking God for help:
"Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy say, 'I have prevailed over him,' lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken."
David's requests mirror his complaints across all three dimensions:
  • Spiritual: "Consider and answer me" - restore the relationship
  • Personal: "Light up my eyes" - renew his perspective and hope
  • Circumstantial: Prevent enemies from claiming victory
As Charles Spurgeon described it, David is asking God to "let the eye of my faith be clear that I may see God in the dark." He recognizes that focusing too long on suffering darkens our view, while faith looks to God for illumination.
The Crucial Turn to Trust
The most significant distinction between complaint and true lament comes in David's turn to trust:
"But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me."
Notice that David's circumstances haven't changed yet. Lament isn't an incantation to change circumstances, but a way to relate to our Heavenly Father in the midst of pain while moving toward trust in His gracious sovereignty.
David's trust addresses all three dimensions: he trusts God's steadfast love (spiritual), his heart will rejoice (personal), and he recognizes God's bountiful provision (circumstantial).
Practicing Lament in Your Life
1
Read Psalms of Lament
Start by reading other psalms of lament: Psalm 3 (external distress), Psalm 6 (residual sin), Psalm 44 (feeling abandoned), and Psalm 102 (grief and mental health).
2
Identify Your Suffering
Ask: "What situation in my life needs lamenting?" Don't think your situation is too small. Exercising lament in small things prepares you for bigger suffering.
3
Follow the Pattern
Turn to God in your pain, honestly complain about your situation, boldly ask for help based on God's character, and anchor your lament in trust based on who God is and what He's done.
4
Connect to Christ
See how Jesus fulfills the deepest needs in your lament. Through Christ, we have the ultimate display of God's steadfast love and the promise of all things being made new.